


broken hearts, paper hearts

by specialagentpao



Category: The X-Files
Genre: 4x10, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, MSR, UST, xf: paper hearts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 11:50:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20290999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/specialagentpao/pseuds/specialagentpao
Summary: What if Samantha was killed by Roche? How is it revealed to Mulder? How does he handle the news? How does Scully help him?





	broken hearts, paper hearts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RoseThornhill](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseThornhill/gifts).

> This is my exchange fic for the XF Episode Fanfiction Exchange.  
My episode is Paper Hearts & its for Alyse (RoseThornhill)
> 
> x  
x  
x
> 
> hope you like it!

“How long has it been since you’ve slept?”  
  
Mulder shrugged. Scully shook her head and tucked her chin to her chest with a sigh.

It’s been a week since they’ve found out Samantha was one of John Lee Roche’s victims. Mulder didn’t give up and kept searching. The things that Roche said to him before dying stuck with him.

"Mulder you need to sleep. You don’t look so good.”

Skinner gave him two weeks of mandatory leave. He had bags under his eyes and his shoulders were slumped.

"It’s not that I don’t want to sleep Scully. I just can’t.” Nightmares often kept him up.

He looked miserable if she was being honest. He’s been in hell these past weeks. The things his mother said to him did not help his state at all. First John Lee Roche making him re-live the moment Samantha was taken. And then his mother accusing him of not being a good brother. Telling him it was his fault that Samantha was taken.

Scully was there and she heard Mulder’s heart crack and break. She gasped herself when Teena Mulder threw those horrible words to her son.  
  
_ "I don’t understand Fox. Years ago you said lights took her, that aliens were somehow involved. Now it's changed? What is this?” Teena Mulder’s voice was laced with tears and anger._

_Her son shook his head. “Mom, we have evidence. This man, the same that sold dad that vacuum cleaner in the basement, took Sam away from us,” Tears ran down his face. “…and killed her.” _

_ How is it that his own mom didn’t believe him? _

_Mulder showed her the hear cloth that belonged to Samantha. His hand shook while he held it out for her. “She was wearing this, mom…23 years ago.” Teena Mulder took the evidence bag in her hand._  
  
_“We told you to look after her. Watch her for a few hours. You just let him take her?”_  
  
_Mulder sniffed. “Mom-” She interrupted him._

_ “Was it too much to ask? She’s not here because of _ you!”  
  
_Mulder’s face fell. Scully went to his side and placed a hand on his back. Both mother and son cried. Teena mourned the loss of her daughter. Mulder felt guilt and also mourned her loss._

_Scully gave Mrs. Mulder all the papers with the evidence and findings. The certificate that the remains found were of Samantha Ann Mulder. _

Scully folded her arms over her chest.

“It isn’t up for debate Mulder.”  
  
Mulder rolled his eyes. “What? Doctor’s orders?” He scoffed smiling.

“Actually yes. As your doctor, I’m advising you to go to bed.”

“Too bad Dr. Scully, I don’t own a bed.”

He had a bed once. He threw out the mattress when he started to feel the springs a few years ago. He meant to buy another mattress but never got to. He got used to the couch and now he has an empty and dusty bed frame in his bedroom.

“Almost 5 years working with you and I still don’t know why you don’t own a bed.”

He got in the passenger seat of Scully’s car. “I threw out my mattress years ago and forgot to buy a new one.” He didn’t really forget. He just got lazy and never went to the store.

Scully directed then towards her apartment. He was about to make camp on her couch but she pulled on his arm. “I didn’t bring you here to sleep on another couch.”

“No Scully, I can’t take your bed. You need to rest too.” She rolled her eyes at him.

“Don’t try to argue with me, Mulder. The bed is big enough for both of us.” She unfolded the cover and threw it on the bed.

Mulder stood watching her. She turned and sighed. “Come on Mulder, let me take care of you. You’re dead on your feet. I can tell.”

She stood close to him, their hands joined. “Doesn't that bed look inviting?”

Mulder grinned and nodded. “I can even feel a yawn coming.” The yawn overtook him mid-sentence.

Scully got rid of her suit and got into a big t-shirt and some pajama shorts. Mulder stayed in his undershirt and boxers. He was going to keep his trousers on but she shook her head. “If you want me naked in your bed just say so, Scully.”

He laid on his back and she laid on her side facing him. Mulder sighed and turned to look at her. His eyes inspected her face.

Freckles adorned the bridge of her nose and cheeks. The mole on her upper lip was uncovered, rid of any makeup. Her tongue peeked out and licked her lips. That’s when he noticed there wasn’t much room between them. He could feel her warmth.

“If you need to talk and vent, I’m here.” Her hand squeezed his bicep. Mulder nodded. His eyes never leaving hers. He really needed to thank Scully for being there for him and with him. Professionally and personally.

His throat felt heavy. “I-not now Scully.” At his strangled voice, Scully moved closer to him. Her arms gathering him to her. His head was being cushioned by her breasts. She kissed his forehead and wrapped her arms around him.

He sighed. Inhaling her scent and closing his eyes. Scully flinched when he put his arm on top of her waist. Thinking it made her uncomfortable, he started to pull back. “Sorry.” he apologized.

“No no, it’s okay.” She moved back a little to look at him. “Your hand is cold, that’s all. It doesn’t bother me.” Oh. He didn’t notice he had his arm inside the back of her shirt. His fingertips felt goosebumps on her skin.

He didn’t remember when he fell asleep.

Her arms weren’t around him when he woke but he knew he wasn’t alone in bed. Behind him, Scully slept with her forehead resting against his back.

He got up to go to the bathroom and went back to bed because it was still dark outside.  
  
Scully moved to her side when she felt the bed move. Mulder went back to sleep quickly. It was the first night without any nightmares. Was it the change of sleeping in an actual bed instead of a couch? Or was it the company of the woman lightly snoring beside him that made him sleep so easily?  
  
A phone screaming woke him up.

He groaned and buried his face into something soft. The phone kept ringing and he opened an eye. He encountered with red hair. Scully rose on her elbow and grabbed her phone from the nightstand.

“Scully.”  
  
He rolled on to his back and continued his slumber. He was half-asleep/half-awake though. Because he could still hear Scully speaking on the phone to whoever decided to call that early in the morning.

She disconnected the call and got into her previous position. Mulder threw his arm to his side to touch her with his hand. It felt somewhat domestic.

“Who was it?” His voice deep and raspy from all the sleep.

“Skinner. He told me not to go in to keep an eye on you.”

He grunted and turned on his side. Scully got up from the bed and headed for the bathroom. She felt all warm in her belly. She had slept with a man. Shared a bed with him. He seemed he wanted to keep cuddling her.

With her toothbrush in her mouth, she peered inside her bedroom to see that he had shifted to the side she had vacated.

She was going to let him sleep. He needed it.

* * *

The day had come.

It was going to be a snowy day. Mulder smiled to himself. Samantha liked snowy days. It was an excuse to stay in bed and drink hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows. They were allowed to do it once or twice a year.

They were finally going to put her to rest. He asked his mom if she wanted to pick the casket but she declined. After that, she refused to pick up his calls.

Giving up, he asked Scully to call his mother to tell her about the day and time of the burial. They were burying her in the family plot.

Scully went with him to select the casket and for the headstone engraving. She held his hand through it all.

Mulder jumped when he felt someone caress his arm. He calmed when he turned to see Scully. She gave him a tight-lipped smile and stood by his side.

The casket was already on the lowering device. Flowers with Samantha’s favorite colors rested on top of it.

The Lone Gunmen arrived. They all hugged Mulder. He thanked them for coming. They were the only friends he had - along with Scully.

He saw a familiar bald man walking towards them. He squinted and noticed it was Walter Skinner. He lowered his lips to Scully’s ear. “Skinner’s here?”

”He asked me about it and I said he could come. I forgot to tell you, does it bother you?”

“No, no, I was just surprised.”

His superior shared words of condolences with him and even surprised him with a hug.

Mulder looked around to see if he spotted his mother coming. He knew she didn’t want to see him. That made him feel so bad, but this is Samantha’s burial.

He didn’t practice any religion but he was raised Jewish. He contacted a rabbi to be there. He knew his mom would appreciate that.

The rabbi began saying prayers. He recognized them from when he was young but stayed silent.

He heard the snow crunch on the ground. He looked up and saw his mother stand on the other side of the casket. He bit his lip and looked down at the ground.

Scully caressed his arm and grabbed his hand. He interlaced her fingers with his gloved ones and got them inside his coat pocket to keep her hand warm. Scully leaned against him, her other hand taking home in her own pocket.

The lowering device started going down into the plot. He let out air from his nose. His eyes started to sting with tears. Scully squeezed his hand. He heard her mutter the lord's prayer.

Mulder let go of Scully’s hand and walked towards the plot with the casket resting inside. He grabbed a handful of dirt and dropped it on the plot. His mom did the same. He looked up at her. Teena made eye contact with his son for some brief seconds before lowering her eyes and walking away.

Scully bent down and picked up dirt to do the same.

Mulder paid the rabbi for his services and thanked everyone for coming. His mother left without uttering a word to him. Scully grabbed his hand again. “Come on, let’s go home.”

She drove to his apartment. He was silent the whole ride. She saw his hands trembling when he took out his keys to unlock the door. “I’ll do it.” Her hand covered his. She took his keys and opened the door.

He nodded as thanks not trusting his voice. He went inside and sat on his couch. He buried his face in his hands. Scully sat in front of him on the coffee table. “We can talk about it if you want.” Her voice barely a whisper.

Mulder leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. Her hands went to his hair, her fingers scratching lightly against his scalp. He tried to hide the fact he was crying with his hands. She tilted his chin up and took his hands away from his face. He refused to meet her eyes.

Her thumbs wiped away the wetness under his eyes. “You don’t need to hide your feelings from me.” He sniffed and closed his eyes. She cupped his cheeks and kissed his forehead, then pressed their foreheads together.

“Can I stay the night at your place?” He slept really good the last time he was there. He didn’t want to leave that day.

“Of course. You can stay whenever you want.” At first, he wondered if she was doing all these things out of pity. But later he convinced himself no everyone was out to hurt him. Especially Scully, she was always honest and clear as water with him.

He stuffed his gym bag with clothes and some of his personal things, then they left for her apartment.

“I…uncovered a lot of things in The X Files.” Scully locked her front door and walked to him. He still had the bag in hand. “My main purpose was finding my sister. I believed for so many years that little green men had taken her…” His voice hitched. He waited a few seconds, swallowed and continued. He needed to get it out of his chest.

“That’s what I saw that night. I didn’t want her to go. She’s my little sister…” He winced and corrected himself. “was my little sister, I shared so much with her. Why would I let him take her?” He cried. The events from that night had become fuzzy. Yes, there were lights. But where did they come from? He doesn’t remember any doors being opened.  
  
”I didn’t let him take her Scully. I don’t know what happened that night.” He raked his fingers through his hair and started pacing the kitchen.

“I love my sister. We used to fight and she annoyed me but I would never let someone else take her.”

Scully grabbed the tops of his arms to try and calm him. “I know you loved her Mulder. It wasn’t your fault, you were a kid.” She started walking him to her bedroom slowly. He sat in bed and Scully stood in front of him, still holding on. Mulder leaned his face against her stomach and started sobbing.

Scully hugged him to her. She buried her nose in his hair and closed her eyes. She saw all the pain he was going through. Tears slipped from her eyes, she didn’t notice them until she unconsciously wiped them away. Her hand caressed circles in his back. She held him until he was calm.

Taking his head in her hands, she looked at him. His eyes were red and puffy from crying. She left tiny kisses all over his face. He was a bit surprised when she placed a quick kiss on his lips. So quick he couldn’t respond.

Her hands pushed his coat from his shoulders. He shook it off and she took it. While she walked out of the bedroom, he undid all the buttons on his shirt and took his shoes off.

Mulder laid on his back on under the warm comforter. Scully joined him. He turned on his side. They were now facing each other in the middle of the bed.

“I always wanted to find her alive and well.” He tucked his hands under his cheek.  
  
”I’m sorry it didn’t turn out that way.” Her foot found his, she shifted closer to him.

“Thank you, Scully.” His socked foot nudged hers.

“For what?” Maybe if she moved a little bit more close to him she could blame it on the cold weather.

“For being there with me through all.” And for letting him be this close to her.  
  
She smiled and shook her head. “You don’t have to thank me, Mulder. I’m always going to be here for you. I'm your partner and most importantly, your friend.” He smiled and cupped her cheek._ You're also my life_

Scully moved forward, leaving no space between them. She looked into his eyes then at his lips. She kissed him softly. This time he had a few seconds to react. It was a close imitation to her previous kiss.

Another weight was lifted off his shoulders. He nuzzled his nose against hers softly. He felt her breath on his lips.

Mulder whispered against her lips. “If I kiss you right now I won’t be able to stop.”

“I really don’t see the problem.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Nicole (gaycrouton) for believing in me. 
> 
> specialagentpao (twitter)  
damn-mulder (tumblr)


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